SCREW IT!

You know what I've realized? What's the point? Every day I know I see those eyes and I get those looks. Every day I know that you're happier off without me, and every day I know that this is the best, but yet I keep trying for you. I keep trying to communicate with you to see how things will go because I don't want our friendship to be broken. I do everything with my best ability, and at the end, even if I get fed with bullshit, I say it's okay because I love you & I care for you. I want you to get what you wanted. You know what? I've had it! I'm over trying to always be the one who's trying to communicate. The one who wants to know how you're doing all that other bullcrap. If I can't be treated with respect by your people and by you, then why try to respect you and your people? I'm so totally done. I am pissed off. I am through. I am over it. I no longer can hold my patience, I no longer can hold my temper. I am trying very hard and I am trying my best; but if you can't see that, then screw it. I don't want to be the nice one who plays the nice game and pity you all the time. I don't want to be the one who is always willing to open up my arms for you, but you run off to someone else. I don't want to open these arms anymore if they are just kept open without anything inside it. Go ahead and go have fun. I don't want to hold you back anymore. I think I myself am annoying you and your people with it enough. I am annoying myself and my friends enough with it too. I don't want to care anymore. I want to be a heartless bitch. I don't wanna give a fuck. I don't want to be a burden anymore. Maybe Nengchiang is right. I CARE AND DEPEND ON YOU TOO MUCH, and now that you're gone, it's hard to be independent. UGHH....FUCK IT. Just don't fucken talk to me! I am angry, mad, pissed off, and neglected. Just leave things the way they are. Good luck on your interview in Indiana and make it home safely. Otherwise than that, I DON'T CARE ANYMOREEE! GOSHHHHH... WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCKEN CARE SO MUCH?