PROGRESS - day four

Je suis aimée ... is the only memory that I want to keep with me of him.

Hmm...did I miss him today? I'll have to admit, as of right now when I'm sitting on this chair typing out my thoughts & feelings...yes, I dearly miss him. But throughout the whole day, I didn't even get to get a glimpse of him, so not really. A part of me says that this is officially not the end of us; though another part of me says this is it. We're done, through, and over with it. What do I want? Hmm...I want to get this done and over with...but yet another part says keep hanging on.

I was strong today. I managed not to cry. When he got on the bus this morning, I didn't get to see him, but I knew he was there. I felt him come pass me. I smelt him & I heard when he was sniffing. This afternoon, when he was moving his feet, I knew that was him too. It's impossible to forget the marks he left on me.

I packed his stuff and gently put them away. I don't want to be reminded of us anymore. Honestly, I wasn't happy today... but a smile beats it all right? I felt like a part of me was missing, and that part was him. I laughed with my friends and yelled out all the things I could yell to keep myself away from thinking about him. It worked for awhile...

I was independent today & thought of him a couple of times...I wonder if he ever thought of me? I miss him ... I miss his hugs ... the way he holds me ... the way he places the gentle kisses on my lips. Sigh...I guess I wouldn't mind if he found some other girl right now & went out with them. Of course it would totally kill me, but you know, maybe it just might make me leave him faster?

Thinking about him and I ... I wasn't totally obsessed with him like how I was with Rich; but he and I shared a special bond, and some sort of energy connection. Like those eye energy mijigy thingy you see when two people fall in love. LOL. x) ... I still get butterflies everytime I see him ... but I guess I'm surviving ... Soon before I know it, it'll be over right? Six months? Or will six months be too short to determine how much I loved him within our one year, one month, and fourteen days relationship?

I don't know, but babyy, all I know right now is...I miss you like FUCK. x(