It`s like hanging onto a broken string.

I'm glad you told me everything tonight. I'm glad you don't want me to hang onto you when you're having the time of your life. I'm glad you're always wanting to face everything in the future instead of now. But what hurts me today, will make me stronger in the future.

Truth be told, I'll admit it, you're probably the first guy I've been so serious with. Yes, I'm pretty serious about you at this point of time & moment in the relationship. Now that's just plain creepy huh? Well, you didn't listen, I'm not so super serious that I want to marry you. I'm just serious to the point where I don't want you to be with anybody else but me. Yes, I'm a selfish bitch, but who gives a damn. Have you seen other girls? I at least still forgive your ass for messing around with other chicks & try to understand. I at least don't stand in your way and say, "NO! You better not go out with your friends and cousins tonight, YOU HEAR ME?!"

At first, I saw myself as someone strong & independent who didn't give a damn about her boyfriends. I never had these jealous feelings when my boyfriend talks about other hot chicks. To me, it was just a casual thing to hear men talk about. In the beginning of the relationship, I'll be honest, I didn't give much of a damn if you thought this girl was hot, or that girl had the booty; but now, I do mind. I do get JEALOUS. I do get angry, and I do want to push you away. I do get hurt & when you're sarcastic about things that I'm serious about, it makes me want to knock the shit out of you because it does hurt. Yes, getting violent. I'm a selfish bitch, remember?

Well, whatever it is, I may be starting to creep the shit out of you now, and I feel like crap. You're just so ready to get out of high school, be legal, be free, & be wild. I know for a fact that you will find someone else who's more "mature", more "your age", more "beautiful" and you'll fall in love with her. You've got a trail of girls following you everywhere with their first glance. It's easy for you to have it anyway you want. It's just like that movie "JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE."

Well, whatever it is, I don't want to hold onto a broken string. I don't want to hold onto a dream that I can never achieve. I don't want you if you don't want me. I don't want to wait for you if you yourself can't wait for me. I don't want to give you all of me when you won't even give me half of you. I'm just in "THE GREAT DEPRESSION" right now. But whatever it is, I hope you're happy with your choice in the future. Even if I don't get to be the one that lies next to you, the one that you hold and keep warm, the one that you share your future with, I won't regret loving such a great person like you. Even if we don't end up together, you better not tear up our pictures & burn my letters. Keep them & remember me.

I know I won't end up with you & this time you don't need to prove me wrong anymore. You make me the saddest person in the Universe; but watch me grow strong.