Sunday, February 1, 2009

satisfication DENIED

I don't get it anymore... why suddenly is everything all up on me now? Am I suppose to be the one doing everything around here? UGH... I'm frustrated. I feel as if I always have to be the one who does something around this place to get some thing done. I am not happy anymore. Suddenly people who has walked out of my life for good has returned. Though I say I don't give a damn, their issues worry me! Gaw....

I want to be more independent these days, but I feel as if I always have to have someone to depend on. I am not happy... I am not sad... I am not angry... I am DISSATISFIED. I know I love him, but he's walked out of my life a long time now. I know he was the one who made me who I am today & I know I do love him and would like it if he walked back into my life... but for awhile now, he hasn't even been there for me. I did everything I could for him, to show him I love him, but I feel as if he's only using me. Maybe I am wrong saying this... maybe I am the bad one... maybe he has always loved me... but why? Why at this moment of time? Where was he when I needed him? Where was he when I was in desperate need of help and encouragement? I wish I could just say, "WALK OUT OF MY LIFE AND DON'T COME BACK." But I can never do that... because I love him...

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