Lifeless

I can't find the right words to blog as of the moment, and I can't find the right sayings to make my heart feel a little happier. I guess you can say I'm totally not over you 100%. Everything still haunts me, everything still makes me weak inside. I've just came to realize no matter what you do in life, it'll still affect me in some kind of torturing way.

The night at the Chinese Auction; I was praying for you to come. I came so close to texting you to see if you would come, but I ended up not texting you because I didn't wanna make myself feel desperate. When the show started, I felt my heart pounding through my chest. I waited for half an hour or so hoping you would arrive soon. I kept staring at the door. Around 6:30 you showed up. Someone tapped my shoulder to say that you were there. But when I looked and saw you, memories rushed back. All the happy thoughts and excitement of you being there were washed away. I couldn't bare the pain and the thought that you would actually come. I hated you for coming that night.

My head is twisted, my heart is misleading me again. I miss you, yet at the same time, I can't stop hating you for all the bad things that you've done, yet all the good things as well.

I don't wanna talk about you anymore. I can't find the right words to say. I can't find the right things to make me happy. I feel lost without a soul. I feel half empty inside...