I'm extremely sorry for loving you.

I wish I could turn time backwards. Back to Freshman year of 2007 when we first met. Back to October 26th when we first made physical contact and all those thoughts and butterflies filling me up inside. I wish everything was still the same. I wonder if it still was, how would we be like today? Would we still be the same? Or would we be worst off than how we are now? Like I've said before, I don't wanna hold onto a broken string. But this thought just keeps me wondering.

Sigh. Bae, I thought about our first & second break up, and I admit, I was a little too over dramatic about everything, but I thought we'd always work out. I just needed only a little more time to overcome my emotions, but you couldn't give me that time.

Everybody always wondered how we'd be in 10 years. I thought about completing my life with you. Vow 'till death do us part. I imagined a family, a house, kids, loving you and your parents. Being called Auntie by your nieces and nephews, and Mommy by our children, and you Daddy. I imagined spending the night together just watching a movie and relaxing curled up next to you after the kids were put to bed. I wanted to spend my whole life with you, Bae. With you and only you. But I guess curiosity got the best of me & this is what I got.

Now I can't even imagine myself dating. Giving my heart to some other guy. I can't imagine loving them the way I loved you, or loving them period ... I miss you, Darling. I wanna be with you and only you. The "you" from the past. The "you" that loved me. I want MY TOMNEMA. But I have a feeling he no longer exists in both our hearts anymore. I miss him, and I want him back. I still love him, more than anything.