Relapse

Some people say I'm lucky that I still have him there as a friend who still cares. Some people say that it's a good thing we still even talk & not act like freaking shady ass holes to each other. What do I say? Hmm...that's the question, what do I say? I'm not quite sure anymore. I know it's a good thing we're still cool & he still at least consider me a close friend, but at the same time, I hate it when I fall back into relapse & reminisce on the got-dang memories. It's time to move on & it's time to forget everything. It really is - he's packed his bags & really left. I really fooled myself thinking I was over & done with him. I guess there's still something there that still kills.

I don't want to ruin it for him & his girlfriend. I don't want to share the attention - actually, truth be told, I don't want any at all. There are things I want for them that I know will kill me badly, yet I still want it for them. Sigh. Sometimes, I wish I could just really get over things & for the time to quickly come by. [ But life doesn't work that way...GOT DANG REALITY.] . Sometimes, I get so tired of being the nice one; I want to be the mean bitchy one - but at the end, I end up hurting myself even more than I hurt the others. Gawd, I hate it when it's relapse time. Freakin make me go crazy. So got damn stupid....UGHHHHHH. I'm annoyed.